Beware, beware, the Ides of March - Beware!
The Ides of March have come and gone, but still the months of March/April hold their breath as the rest of the world gradually ebbs away, in pieces. Bit by bit, piece by piece, square by square, moment by moment, the waves come crashing down again as the sea welcomes the winter and I find myself lost. Again. What is it about March/April? The pre-Pesach jiitters? The heave of anticipation to clean out your system, flush the dangerous or the old or the unused or the resented out in order to breathe in a new warm day? Perhaps the realisation that it is already near April. The first quarter of the new year is already up. Time's up. Stop what you're doing, and reflect. What, reflect on this past since since the last Pesach? Since the beginning of the Jewish new year at Rosh HaShanah? Or what's been going on since the beginning of the secular year, the first of January. And now it's already near April.
They say time flies when you're having fun. Maybe that's why this week has crawled. Snail. Turtle. Old granpa behind the wheel on Carlisle Street. It's lurched forward, pushed by the various films I watch on my laptop in my bed as I disgust myself in the mess of my room, the stench of old clothes and India and unopened boxes. It's disgusting and I don't do a thing about it.
Maybe as soon as this tonsilitis is kicked, the autumn cool sunshine and bare trees will warm me again. Man, I'm praying that it will.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
This Single Life
I think my mother has finally understood.
I think I have now seen the light.
And even though I'm loving every minute of this single life - the acceptance of my mother that, yes, it IS quite hard meeting people, ahem, meeting JEWISH boys, who have balls and the courage to take an interest in Jewish girls - has had an interesting effect on me.
That was one very long sentence. Pardon me. It's as if now, everything will be alright. She understands. And, hopefully, my grandmother will eventually understand, and might even stop asking me, "Nu, Sarah, you've been home for over three months now, where's the boyfriend?" No, I don't have pressure within my family or friends, as much as I joke about, and I have been fortunate to have experienced a wonderful long term relationship, but now that I'm single, this "single life" is equally fascinating and confusing. The more I learn, and the more things I do to 'make myself known to the world', the more confused and frustrated I become. No, not frustrated, just disappointed. Yes, disappointment hurts more than frustration. Because any sliver of hope that one might have, is lost.
Another fleeting thought: while I may love being single and this single life (friends, flirting, parties, uni, concentrating on what i like to do and how fabulous living life is) I may get tired of it all. Not long how far away that might be. And by that stage, as they say, all the nice men are either married or gay. And in the Jewish world, it seems as if it gets harder the older you are. Men become MUCH more picky (as if they can afford to be!) and women, well, we just are sad and eat more and get fatter.
No, i'm lying, That was cruel. But sometimes true? I might be having too much fun at the moment and let life slip me by and before I know it, I'll be nearing thirty with no relationship since the one of my university years sitting in a bar in new york sipping cosmo cocktails with my girlfriends wondering where all the men have gone and realising this would be a FANTASTIC tv show.
But right now, I'm having too much fun. Is that a bad thing?
I think I have now seen the light.
And even though I'm loving every minute of this single life - the acceptance of my mother that, yes, it IS quite hard meeting people, ahem, meeting JEWISH boys, who have balls and the courage to take an interest in Jewish girls - has had an interesting effect on me.
That was one very long sentence. Pardon me. It's as if now, everything will be alright. She understands. And, hopefully, my grandmother will eventually understand, and might even stop asking me, "Nu, Sarah, you've been home for over three months now, where's the boyfriend?" No, I don't have pressure within my family or friends, as much as I joke about, and I have been fortunate to have experienced a wonderful long term relationship, but now that I'm single, this "single life" is equally fascinating and confusing. The more I learn, and the more things I do to 'make myself known to the world', the more confused and frustrated I become. No, not frustrated, just disappointed. Yes, disappointment hurts more than frustration. Because any sliver of hope that one might have, is lost.
Another fleeting thought: while I may love being single and this single life (friends, flirting, parties, uni, concentrating on what i like to do and how fabulous living life is) I may get tired of it all. Not long how far away that might be. And by that stage, as they say, all the nice men are either married or gay. And in the Jewish world, it seems as if it gets harder the older you are. Men become MUCH more picky (as if they can afford to be!) and women, well, we just are sad and eat more and get fatter.
No, i'm lying, That was cruel. But sometimes true? I might be having too much fun at the moment and let life slip me by and before I know it, I'll be nearing thirty with no relationship since the one of my university years sitting in a bar in new york sipping cosmo cocktails with my girlfriends wondering where all the men have gone and realising this would be a FANTASTIC tv show.
But right now, I'm having too much fun. Is that a bad thing?
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