As I trail through the site onlysimchas.com I can only see girls, young girls, young girls in white dresses, these are not women, they are girls as young as me, girls who will learn to love their husbands, girls who frock up in white billowing dresses with made-up porcelain faces and perfect shiny hair, their man wears a big pointy black hat and a white dressing gown and they buzz beneath the Chuppah, quietly praying that the rest of life won't be as frightening as this moment. These are just girls, girls who were once my friends, girls i grew up with, girls i remember from school. Girls.


My mum was my age when she married my father. My age.

I am nowhere near the marrying age – I can’t think of a life more further away than what it is for me right now. I sit on my bed, alone on a Sunday night, no friends with benefits, no partner, and definitely no husband and I’m at peace with that... It's my turn to be single, I'm no bitter 'psycho-bitch' (at least I try not to be) and I'm no needy girl craving for a 'boyfriend'. Ergh.

It's my birthday on Wednesday, and it's real interesting to reflect on the past year - where I was at this time (in war-stricken Israel), the friends I had, the adventures journeyed, the risks taken - and where I am now. I reckon I'm doing pretty well.

So, I've been quite quiet on the blogging front for the past month. Nothing special to report back on - I've been at school four days a week, and I started a new job at a shoe store for extra large feet (like me!). And that's all. I bought a pair of magic boots (they're cute ankle suede high-heeled boots that has mostly led to my number being taken by a boy - note: this does not guarantee a followup phone call) and been frequenting house parties across Melbourne.

I’ve been nursing a bruised ego for the past week – I can’t handle rejection as well as I thought I could (I have discovered that I’d like to be prepared for rejection – when it comes out of nowhere it leaves me sore.)
I headed into a situation expecting a casual winter fling - nothing serious, something to fill in time and someone new to meet (i've been bored out of my brain of late. bored with everything. it's pathetic.) i expected him to be a typical israeli 'man crumpet' - but he caught me off guard and got under my skin. Obviously I didn't get under his. And it's making me crazy. Insane. I'm bewildered at my reaction. Because usually I'm the one in control. Ha. Who woulda thought. That seems to be my line, I like to use that quite a lot. Who woulda thought. I wouldn't have.